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The folks over at Apple sent Tosh.0 an iPad to test out. So they did.

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Urlbots, now that the furor over the Conan/Leno Tonight Show debacle has died down, I think it's time we paid attention to the greatest thing to come out of that mess: Conan's hilarious Craigslist ad.

Seriously, that whole situation was one big :-( , what with a brilliant and scrappy millionaire comedian getting unfairly booted in favor of a non-brilliant and non-funny millionaire comedian, but we must look at the sunny side of life! That Craigslist ad was hilarious! So funny, you guys.

Luckily, there are lots of classic/ridiculous Craigslist ads floating around the web. I've compiled 10 SFW ones after the break. Check them out.

1. Easter Eggs

"I need someone to hide easter eggs in my apt when i am not there ! They are small and filled with candy! I would like to find them myself on sunday! I am willing to pay! Serious inquiries only!"

2. Cockroaches

I found four cockroaches in a box of Triscuit a few months back, I hate to have to get rid of them but I'm moving to a smaller place and won't really have the room for them any more. All four of them (Mingus, Dinky, Cleopatra, and Prickly Pete) are house trained and need nothing more than some rotting garbage and an occasional scratch behind the antennae. Rehoming fee of $15 each or $50 for all four, as I would like to see them all stay together.

3. Noodle Bath

"I will pay you $1 to sit in my bathtub full of noodles while you wear a one piece bathing suit. I will not be home, nor will anyone else while you do this. I will leave the key for you, and you will sit at your leisure. DO NOT bring any sauce. I will season the pasta after I return home prior to dinner."

4. Drunk Clown

"We need an Adult Drunk Clown who is good at getting drunk and stupid. No need to do any clown tricks, just hang out and drink a shit load. We will be hopping around to different bars and want a clown to tag a long and drink heavely. He doesn't even need to socialize with anyone, just drink."

5. Yam Lady

"I was in line at Safeway today and you were a few checkstands over screaming for someone to help you find candied yams. I don't even know what the hell they are, but I was definitely turned on. You: 50's, or 60's, crazy as shit and apparently really likes yams. You settled on fresh ones when you realized the store didn't carry them. I wanted to go pretend to look at onions and stare at you while you picked out a choice yam, but I was too busy. Maybe we can get together some time and candify them, I'll bring the sugar."

6. Delicious Pony

"My kid is having a birthday coming up soon, and there'll be a lot of children around, so I figured I'd better get a pony. If you do have a pony you could sell, please contact me, and then immediately start putting barbeque sauce in it's bedding or add some Lawry's to it's salt lick - I like to marinade it early and long, so that the flavor is at it's peak by the time I take possession."

7. Original Plato

"1st edition of The Republic signed by its author. There is of course a reasonable amount of wear and tear, (light highlighting and underlining, dog-eared pages, back cover missing, etc.), but it is in overall good condition considering its age."

8. Tree House

As summer is approaching that means the weather outside is getting nicer, which means I have an extra room for rent. Do you like the outdoors, wood paneling, porta-poties? Then I have the perfect room for you. I just cleaned and swept out the tree house in my backyard. It is level to the second story of my house on a very sturdy tree. It has a plastic door, solid roof, and a durable rope ladder. It also ahs a pully system so you can pull up items that you don't feel comfortable carrying on the rope ladder. THe tree house has a bedroom (comes furnished with a beanbag). As for the kitchen, you may want to eat out. You can use the separate entrance to my backyard where it is located. This DOES NOT mean you have free access to my backyard though. What you are renting is the room at this is it. It is okay to use the backyard but keep it mind that first and foremost, it is mine.

Please, applicants under 160lbs only please. It is a sturdy building but lets not take any chances.

9. Bathroom Rental

"I am a female in my mid 60's and I am looking for a room mate. Times are tight and I need some extra money. I am willing to rent out my bathroom in my 1 bedroom east village home. My bathroom is large. You can easily put a twin air mattress in there. I only ask that when I need to use the bathroom, you or your air mattress are not in it. I do ask that when you are in the apartment, you confine yourself to the bathroom. I do not feel comfortable with a stranger walking around my living room. This might change as I get to know you better."

10. Duck Mask

"Full head rubber mask, old, has discoloration on white feather part from age, storage. Hey I got it on my big head, so it works that way."

• via:// Huffington Post, The Telegraph

Oh My!

I have a hat that I got in a truck stop in Alabama that states, “I spend my money on booze, women and gambling. The rest I waste.” The hat made an excellent point. Men have a tendency to sometime waste money. The hat was different. It was the best $3.99 I ever spent. The hat got many compliments as I made my way home from Tuscaloosa. My girlfriend at the time thought the hat was the dumbest purchase I ever made when I arrived back at school. She said that it was something only a guy would waste his money on. Maybe she was right. Better yet, maybe my hat was right. In the eyes of women, men of all shapes and sizes seem to find new and fun ways to waste money everyday. Here are a few examples of things ladies will always argue that we spend a little too much disposable income on…

1 Booze

Some guys just like to go out after a hard week of work and relax with a stiff drink. And then there are a few of us that need several to tens of drinks to relax after a stressful week of work. A good portion of men usually have a go-to drink that they order once in a while for certain reasons or occasions;
whether it’s just a bottle of cheap whiskey, to a bottle of Jack Daniels. Or maybe it’s a few shots of Johnny Walker Blue Label. There is nothing in the world that a good bottle of whiskey or glass of Scotch couldn’t fix. Except herpes. I’m not a doctor, but I’m guessing almost everything but that–whiskey can probably fix. To each his own brew, and keep them coming till I fall out of this stool, barkeep.

2 Strip clubs

We aren’t wasting money here! We are sending poor Candi or Brandi through veterinary school, one dollar at a time. The beer is way more expensive here. Everything is way more expensive at a strip club. If I pay you money, will you gyrate on me and pretend you like being with me for the entirety of “Pour Some Sugar on Me”? Excellent. Your name is “Bambi,” huh? Everyone named Bambi in this world either ends up a stripper or strapped to the hood of someone’s car. Women are actually very right on this front. This place is a waste of hard earned money.

3 Cigars

Usually reserved for the birth of babies, celebrations and golf outings, but sometimes reserved for just relaxing on the back porch; cigars are another of the bonding tools men sometimes go overboard on. Whether it’s trying to find a way to get a box of Cohiba Robustos delivered to our house without United States customs agents involved or buying a solid gold cigar cutter that may or may not have once been used by Stalin–we will sometimes go the extra mile for a good smoke.

4 Barbecue

Do we have enough charcoal? Is this going to be enough chicken? I think we are going to need more beer. Hey look at this, it’s corn on the cob. Do we want to get this and throw it on the grill. You know what I need is more lighter fluid. Maybe we should look at getting a new grill while we’re near Lowes. Ice? I almost forgot the ice. Will you push the cart up to the line while I go grab some Bloody Mary mix? Two hours later and we leave $1000 over our allotted budget with enough alcohol to get the entire state of Rhode Island drunk. Don’t ask me how, but it always happens when guys have a cook out.

5 Gambling

Men are bred from a very early age to be competitive. Combine that with testosterone and the incessant need to best our friends in contests of any kind and you have the reason men are drawn to gambling. We also like to be right. That’s why we don’t ask for directions. Winning means being right and temporarily feeling smarter than someone else; in return those people have to give you money for being wrong. It’s the perfect past time for men. Of course, the line between a few hands of poker and something like gambling your life savings on an exacta bet with horses named “Nyquil“ and “Haggard McSteelhoves,” is pretty wide in most. But all men will usually bet on football, cards, and golf. Just enough things to get us in trouble.

6 Sporting events

It is bonding the best way men know how: By getting drunk on $12 beers and throwing AA batteries at Barry Bonds in left field. Men are territorial, so they usually have one team they lived near or rooted for growing up and then one team that they loathe with every ounce of their being. We will buy stuff with our team logo on it. Some of that stuff will be stupid (probably made of foam) and sold at a yard sale whose date has yet to be determined. Men hate it, but will always pay $15 for the privilege of parking an automobile. We will pack into stadiums of 50,000 at a time and root for men who can hit a ball really far with a stick or run faster than us. There will be nachos and hot dogs and beer. There will be fist fights. We will yell ridiculous encouragement to the players we like (“Nomaaaaaaaahhhh”) and if we were lucky enough to be at Dodgers Stadium on Duracell Battery Night when the Giants came to town, we will sink a good deal of cash into bail.

7 Golf

Not all guys enjoy golf, but a good number of us do. Lots of expensive equipment to buy. There are always new putters and better sand wedges and new Nike drivers with heads the size of large babies. There are always newer alloys and more precise ball trajectory. It seems NASA is now working round-the-clock to bring us better and lighter golf clubs. Plus it is the only sport where we can buy equipment that is literally an extension of our penis. And there’s backspin. And more torque. Better ball flight. Aerodynamically superior. Something about testing in wind tunnels. I mean, these aren’t things you can learn, these are things you have to pay for. And that’s why I’m convinced I need that new Lob Wedge.

8 Cars

Obviously, cars are things that men will shell out large amounts of cash for. There are always new interiors, better speakers and even fuzzier dice to purchase for our automobile. We’ve got tinted windows, double deuces, and spinners. Then there are Armor All wipes, car washes and speeding tickets. Then those tickets lead to higher insurance premiums. It’s a vicious cycle of man vs. posted speed limit that ends up getting our bank involved. Not to mention you have to buy them. Usually. Cars have become a black hole of misplaced funds in the wallets of many great men throughout the years. Sure it’s bad now, but think of the money we will sink in them when they can fly.

9 Women

We spend $80 on a bouquet of flowers that we know are going to be dead and gone in a week. We will hand over hard earned money to get you a box of chocolates we are pretty sure you will never eat. What would posses a human being to spend over $100 on a stuffed animal? Or over $10,000 on an engagement ring? I dunno exactly, but I imagine it has something to do with Dateline NBC or a story on 60 Minutes. “I don’t like French food, but if you do babe, we will eat there tonight.” Not all men make a lot of money. Not all men can buy a special woman the diamond rings, and pearls, and the jet-ski she never knew she wanted, with our paychecks. But you can rest assured ladies, that what we do make, we will always use to keep a smile on your face. SO maybe that’s not a “waste” after all. Do those come in a size 7?

Rejecting Twitter’s Suggested User List

Why would someone turn away the potential for thousands of new followers?

By the time Scripting News blogger Dave Winer was added to Twitter’s Suggested User List earlier this month there was no turning back from his headlong fusillade attack on its very existence. For months the blogging pioneer had criticized the arbitrary, corporate media-like structure of the SUL, publishing charts and an array of anecdotal observations about the nature of the list and how it affected the users who were placed within it. Of course it escaped nobody’s attention that being placed on it could result in a half million additional Twitter followers, and when you consider the fact that the number of followers correlates strongly not only with a user’s ability to drive traffic, but also his very authority and influence, it’s not surprising that the methodology for composing the list would come under close scrutiny. Winer arguably led the pack of scrutinizers, going so far as to suggest that Twitter employees would use the SUL to manipulate coverage of the company, drawing favorable coverage from those who made the list and punishing its harshest critics with removal.

Late last week, Winer wrote a post acknowledging the fact that he had been included on the list, and one could almost detect an attempt to fit this inclusion within the parameters of his criticism. “Since I found out I was there, I haven’t posted anything on my Twitter account,” he wrote, “because that’s a terrible place to discuss something like this, and until I decide what to do I want to be very clear about whether I’ve gained from being on the new list.” His hesitance to denounce his placement on the SUL had to do with the fact that Twitter had created a new one — or rather a series of new ones — each based on a different niche. According to somewhat vague reports, these new lists were somehow predicated on algorithms rather than human editorial control.

Ultimately, however, Winer concluded that these changes were not enough, and true to form, he wrote a note to Twitter and asked to be removed. “People might think that I held back criticism for Twitter if I got this boost from the company providing the communication platform,” he wrote. “I know this because I’ve already felt inclined to withhold criticism because getting the approval feels nice.”

ZuD is a bit late on this post, but we have always been fascinated with the "SUL"

About
I’m Russian. I grew up in New York. I’ve been keeping diaries since I was eight years old.

I’m nostalgic for conversations I had yesterday.

–Kicking and Screaming

For most, there is no crueler day of the calendar year than that of Valentine's Day. While a tiny fraction of the population can look forward to a holiday of wine and roses, poetry and song, the vast majority of us can anticipate a day of nausea and grimacing, trauma and grief. A day in which minutes seem like hours, and hours like days, as we reflect sorrowfully on yesteryear's romantic indignities, today's loneliness, and the unknowable but certain heartbreak that will be visited upon us repeatedly in the years to come.

When cruelty and holidays collide, the weak-willed find solace in self-pity and comfort foods. And now, Despair Inc. is pleased to announce that we've combined BOTH into a radical new offering.